THE RUN DOWN WITH ROZ
BLOGS/VLOGS
July 19, 2025
Title: Letting go of what no longer serves me.
It’s my shedding season—and I’m shedding more than just pounds.
I’m releasing everything that’s been eating me up inside: the emotions, the self-doubt, the pain I’ve allowed to manifest and break me from the inside out.
There’s no secret: my family is blended. Blended has been the normal for me—since childhood and now in my own home. We hear about celebrities and how they make it work, but let's talk about how I made it work. How Roz did it.
For years, I made it look easy. I was so focused on being the "new normal." The person who wasn’t a celebrity, but still had to navigate mental health struggles, living paycheck to paycheck, and still wanted to show the world something different. And I think I did that—but at what cost? Was it my mental stability? My acceptance? Now, my boys are all grown up. My youngest just graduated high school and is off to college. All three of my boys wrapped up their high school years with honors and a diploma. And I did that. Wow, that felt good to say.
For so many years, I was obsessed with meeting people’s expectations of me. I tried so hard to prove that I was strong, that I could handle it all. I allowed myself to sit in uncomfortable places, places where I wasn’t welcomed. I planned events that included everyone, smiled like everything was fine—and of course, it wasn’t. I kept quiet when lies were spread about me, when I was painted as the bitter baby mama. Bitter? Me? Maybe in the beginning, yes—but that turned into anger, and that anger turned into fuel for my children. I wanted them to see happy, loving parents—regardless of who lived where, regardless of the circumstances. They were all mine, and I would never treat them differently, so why should anyone else? Over the years, those forced family gatherings became easier to smile through, but the pain inside me grew.
The things that were said and done to me, I kept silent about. Evictions, an empty fridge, overdue bills, repossessions, sitting alone at the ER with a sick child… Yet, I smiled, and portrayed this whole blended family thing as figured out. Of course, someone might ask, “Did you get child support?” I laugh at that question. Are you talking about financial? Not all the time and it barely scratched the surface of meeting their needs. Where was my mental and physical support? Where was the reassurance that I wasn’t in this alone? I wanted to be the fun parent sometimes, too. You know, the one who gets to take the kids to events, have a great time, and then send them back home. But I was too busy trying to raise men—teaching them to clean their rooms, do their homework, and understand right from wrong. I rushed from basketball, football, baseball, and track practices. Then came dinner, homework, and laundry. Let's not forget, field trips, parent-teacher conferences, IEP meetings and award ceremonies. Not time for fun. I had to work long hours to pay for and maintain the structure I was building for us. I’m shedding all of that now. All the things that were eating me up inside. Being in a blended family is hard work, but it can be done. Shout out to everyone who’s made it work. I did it, too.
But let’s be clear: I wasn’t strong—I was just in survival mode. Now that I’m standing here, I won’t try to accommodate everyone and leave myself behind anymore. Not invited to the family functions? Cool. I won’t shed another tear. You see me and don’t speak? I won’t take it personally—you might be tired of the forced family dynamic, too. You block me or try to paint me as the villain in your version of the story? That’s fine. Your version might make for a best-selling fiction, but I won’t ask you about it. My boys are all grown up now, and I did that. They know who made it happen every single time, with little to no help most of the time.
No more dimming my light so others can shine. I’m done with that. I never want to hear the phrase “be the bigger person” again—what does that even mean? Let people walk all over you and just sit there and take it? I don’t live there anymore. Being the bigger person to me now means unapologetically being me. Walking with my light shining bright, and only sitting at tables that are made for me.
June 28, 2025
Title: Shedding Season
July 23, 2024
Title: Anxiety
Anxiety is one of the things I have been dealing with for a very long time. I didn’t know that what I had been feeling for a long time had a name. Depression, PTSD, and Anxiety all in one becomes hard for me to manage at times and then on top of that, add grief to the mix, some days it’s hard for me to get out of bed.
Like millions of people, I finally got a chance to see Inside Out 2. It was highly recommended by my adult friends. Yes, I said my adult friends! Some thought it would be a great movie for me to understand my 11-year-old daughter, however after raising 3 boys, I am here to tell you girls are different.
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I was out of town and decided since I had a little free time, I would go and see the movie alone. I wanted to hear whatever this message was loud and clear as a good friend told me to be intentional with my me time. As I waited for the movie to start, I found myself getting restless. I mean the movie ticket said 2:15 and previews were still coming on after 2:30. As I was waiting, I was thinking maybe I should just leave. I was already tired, kids behind me kept kicking my chair, and honestly, I didn’t know if I liked the feeling of being alone out of state in a movie theater. I felt very uneasy and for some reason afraid. Just as I was about to get up, the movie started.
Joy always made me smile. How could she not? I even understood her throwing away things that did not bring you joy. Erasing embarrassing moments or moments in time that made you angry was brilliant. I mean a lot of things have happened to me that I put in the back of my mind. I liked Joy and understood her protection.
Here is what I came to realize. When my anxiety kicks in, the feeling I get sometimes becomes unbearable. I experience heart palpations, weird feelings, self-doubt, everyone is against me, and so much more. Millions of thoughts that I can’t seem to get out of my head. This could last for seconds, minutes, or days and then add depression in the mix, and now days it’s turned into weeks, months, and/or years. NEVER did I look at the fact that my anxiety was trying to protect me. How could it protect me when it brings me so much pain? Inside Out 2 showed me how Joy and Anxiety both try to protect me in their own way. Both emotions have flaws. The flaws make me unapologetically me!
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I realized suppressing the things/actions that brought me pain did not make them go away. If I do not deal with the guilt, shame, fear, anger, embarrassment, and more it would still be there. It would lay quietly waiting for the right time to rise and cause unspeakable harm to my mind. When your mind is disturbed in a negative way it can cause a break down in you physically, emotionally and spiritually.
Anxiety is not all bad. Seems it’s often misunderstood. I forgot the moments when my anxiety protected me. There were times I would have an attack when I was in the presence of family and strangers who had done unspeakable things to me, things I was told to keep a secret about that I was hiding and ashamed of. Anxiety sometimes shows up in places I should not be. I get the sense I don’t belong if trouble is near. How could I not see this before? How did I misinterpret what my body has being doing for me since I was born?
I cried a lot watching Inside Out 2! I removed myself from the seat where I was constantly being kicked to a private seat with no one around. I allowed my emotions to take control and I embraced it. I realized at that moment; I was going to forever embrace all of my emotions. I was going to try to understand them instead of hiding and dismissing them. Everything that I have gone thru, everything that I feel makes me exactly who I am. I fought hard to love me. The hardest battle I ever had to fight. While I am not where I want to be, I am confident that I am taking the necessary steps to heal healthy. Recognizing all my impurities are a part of me. I no longer want to be ashamed of the things that have made me question why me! I will not let my emotions take over me. Instead, I will work with them and not against them. After all they all are trying to protect me.
July 9, 2024
Title: Vulnerability W/O Judgement
Are we really allowed to be vulnerable without judgement? Does this apply to the Black Man? Is the Black Man’s mental health protected? As a mother of 3 Black Men and married to a Black Man, I always wonder who is protecting them.
Growing up in a world that doesn’t want you to succeed is hard. As a young boy, if you cry, often you are told “crying is for girls”. If you fall and hurt yourself, you are told “stop crying and man up”, therefore you learn early how to suppress your feelings before you even know the meaning of feelings.
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Boys with this kind of teaching grow up to be men that keep their feelings inside. Men that are afraid to look weak appear to have it all together, even when they are crumbling inside. Society will have you thinking, to be a man you must be a leader at all costs. You must stand tall and take the mental, physical, verbal and emotional abuse without hesitation.
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I have been watching our Black Men all my life ESPECIALLY the Black Father. You know ones that don’t get recognized unless its negative. The Black Father that society wants you to believe is absent most of the time.
You have the married Black Man who has fallen on hard times and is talked about instead of helped. He goes to ask for help and hears “You a man, figure it out”. Sadly, figuring it out does not always happen the way one would like for it to happen.
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How about the Black Single Father who is alone trying to figure it all out? How many opportunities is he afforded to help raise his child alone? Where are the support groups and play dates for him and his child? Don’t let him go for child support! You will hear all kind of negative comments because he is a man. Double standards?
What about the Black Man that has mental health issues? Who does he turn to without judgement? Can he speak freely about his feelings? Did we skip over Men’s Mental Health Awareness month? Maybe we just didn’t know it existed.
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How do we handle the grieving man who has just lost a loved one? Does he get to mourn, take bereavement days?
The Black Man that is in a domestic violence relationship where he is the victim, does he have the same support system? Can he reach out for help without being judged? 1 in 7 men are victims of Domestic Violence. That’s a huge number mainly because most don’t report their abuse for fear of judgement.
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This is a few examples but there are so many more. My mind is always on the Black Man. I have seen what society continues to do to them. I have heard their silent cries and it scares me. To be honest I have sat with a few and helped wipe their tears. We continue to talk about mental health as if we want improvement and with the same breath, we are talking down on each other. Just click any Social Media platform and you will see how quickly society change.
We must start protecting our Black Men and remind them it is okay to ask for help. Crying is a part of healing. It’s an opening or a closing of another chapter. We need more positive ads showing them as fathers, mentors, doctors, lawyers, and everything in between. How about we show them having emotions without the stigma! We must show up for them and be their peace in a world that rarely gives them any peace at all. They are dying at a much higher rate and contrary to what some might think, violence towards each other is not the leading cause.
Men you are safe here with The Run Down with Roz organization. We will create a space for you and in your silence, we will speak loud and bold on your behalf. Please visit our resources page and use it as a guide to find your healing. We are all in this together. Your mental health matters.